Dear Poker

Dear Poker,

I get it.  You hate me.  I do not know what I have done that has pissed you off so greatly but I really wish you would just tell me.
See, I'm a simple male who goes along with every day life and doesn't understand some of the more complex things.  For instance, when someone is mad at me because I didn't take out the trash but they refuse to tell me why they are mad, I honestly don't know.  I also will most likely never guess.
I'm what they call a simpleton.

So, it's with much sympathy that I come to you, on all fours, begging for forgiveness of what evil deed I may have done in my past to anger you.  I will shower you with love and affection.  I will call your hotter younger sister an ugly bitch.  I will beat up your ex boyfriend.  I'll even let you use those anal love beads on me.
Just please stop hating me so much.

I paid you a visit today and you pretty much just teased me and then shat on me.

Kd Td vs 77 on a Qd Jd 7 flop is NOT FUCKING FUNNY.
Turn 2 diamond and river Queen. Ugh.

JJ vs TT vs 55 all in pre-flop and 55 has everyone covered - I felt like you were smiling on me.
Then the board ran out 92463.  Really? You despise me that much?

Then my last hand.  Ks Js vs Kc Td vs AsAc on a Kh Qs 2s board?
Really? You truly honestly hate me?

The least funny part of all of it was that the guy with 77, the guy with 55 and the guy with AA were all the same asshole, son of a bitch sperm burper.

Yeah.  I get it, you hate me and love others more.

I'll be sacrificing hookers and strippers until you start to love me a bit more.

signed - the jaded man who still loves you too much to let go!