Advice and Doubt

100% stole the opening here but I read it elsewhere and found it appropriate.

This is something worth repeating in life.  You will realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most important are the ones who bring out the best in you, respect you and accept you for who you are.  Those are the ones worth keeping around.

Yeah - these are words of advice from my old man and they ring true.

Today is a day where I'm doubting myself and it's bugging me.  Things were OK until I got to class.  A bit on the tired side (I cannot adapt to waking up so bloody early) and as I was dealing my back started to hurt a bit, probably something from work.   So, I'm a bit tired and a bit in pain and I'm doing everything slower than I should be and a bit sloppy as well.  I was just "off" and not feeling it and I have the teach breathing down my neck reminding me with every mistake I make or every time I'm not going as quick as I should and she points out "Boy, you must be really tired today."

And it's days like this that really make me wonder if I'm cut out to do what I've been trying to do.
Yes, I know that everyone has off days.  I get it.  I'm negative (about myself) by nature and this is just the way I react.  I know that I can do this job, but today I feel like I can't.

If I'm having a bad day I'll have to find a way to work through it. If my back is sore I'll just have to tough it out and figure a way to tune out the pain, etc.

Eh, tomorrow is a new day and after work (and maybe one of those Power Naps) I'll be heading down town to put in an application for one of the casino's.

Here is another issue - I'm about out of "time" work wise for my adjusted schedule.  Very shortly they are going to tell me that I need to return to normal work hours which means that I will no longer be able to attend class and practice - and if I don't have a dealing job by then it's going to suck.  Complicating the matter further is the fact that I can only get a dealing job where I'd be working Swing or Graveyard because of my current job - and I'm hoping that isn't something that comes into play any time.  I'd hate to audition and have them offer me a position working early which I'd have to turn down which is a pretty shit move from a guy looking to break into the business.

So, the reality of the situation is the closer I get to this becoming "real" the more doubt I am throwing my own way to complicate things more than it should be.  Yes - I know this is 100% in my head. Sometimes it sucks to me be.  Either way I do have a job that I can fall back on and maybe I'll have to put the "dream" on hold until all of my personal matters are wrapped up and then make another attempt at it.

The big "win" no matter how you look at it though is that I have found some people with common interests that I am enjoying spending time with.  A few of these people I know I will continue to communicate with after the class is over and everyone has moved on in whatever direction they decided to go.  For that I am thankful because with my attitude it's damned near impossible to actually make friends heh :)

And with that, I think I'm putting a hold on this "A-Z" thing as my timeline is all f'd up.
However, anyone out there who was already planning a guest post - whenever you decide to write it up I'll still take em and throw them up for the world to see (If'n you still wanna that is).
I don't have the time or the creativity to continue doing it with my complete lack of planning.  So, at some point in the future I will plan on doing this again but I will plan it out well ahead of time so that I already have a list of things that I'll be talking about for specific days.
Until then you get to deal with the random nonsense that comes to me daily.