Every Smart Man

...Builds a shed over his most important Tool.  Yes, this is the battle cry of fatty's everywhere.  I had always told myself that when I couldn't look down and see little Beavis any longer that's when I'd make sure to lose some weight - but a combination of me having a small tally-whacker and me lying to myself it never happened.

I've been heavy most of my life and I've always been cool with it, but the older I get the more I realize that maybe I should be less heavy for the health of it.  For the past 6 years I've weighed in right around 280 pounds give or take, but just within the past few months I jumped on a scale and saw that I was really close to 300 and that kind of scared me a bit so I decided I really needed to make a change.

So, since that point I have been slowly making some changes and of course violently falling off of the wagon only to crawl back on it and start again.  For simplicity sake I'm just going to say that I noticed my weight at the beginning of April (Oh Ms O'Neil how I do adore thee).

My biggest weakness is potato chips. It's just too easy to pick up a bag or three and chow through them. It's also easy to just finish a bag without realizing it.  So, when I have chips I try to make it the little snack size bags to control my portions, however there have been a few times when I'll just randomly grab a big bag while at the store and next thing I know I've eaten like half the bag and finish it off the next day.  Control issues - Hand Raised.

Things that I have done:
I am at about 98% diet Dew.  Now I don't need to hear anyone's babbling brook of bullshit telling me how diet soda is just as bad as regular soda an whatever the fuck else people want to point to.  Fact of the matter is by switching to diet Dew I've cut out a lot of sugar.  A lot -A-Fucking-Lot!  Seriously.  In one 12 oz can of Regular Mt Dew there is 47 grams of sugar.  Even though I have cut back on the amount of Dew I have drank over the years I still go through a minimum of 4 cans of Dew every single day.  I crack one when I wake up, I have two at work and I have one (sometimes more) when I'm chilling in the evening.  I've been adding water into my diet and cutting out some of the Dew, but I still drink a lot of that shit.  So, lets just round down to 4 cans of Dew every day and you are looking at 188 grams of sugar in a day.  That is an awful lot of sugar to cut out of my fat-and-ever-increasing-ass per day.  So, if you want to tell me that Diet is just as bad for me, Fuck You until you can prove your case (and then I'll just switch back to regular biznatch).

I have cut out on eating out (I'm single so I had no choice *rim shot*) to 2-4 times per month.  I pack my lunch for work every day so that I am not tempted to go to buy any of the junk that I was consistently filling my body with.  No more Sam's Club Pizza.  No more Burgers from wherever.  No more Panda Express.  Not even Jared's favorite Subway meals.  No, Now I strictly control what I put in my body during the work day.

I have also cut back on my portion sizes during dinner.  I used to load my plate up and just eat like a pig.  now I carefully dictate how much I am going to eat by trying to stick kinda sorta stick to the recommended serving sizes.

So, those three changes have led me to drop from 300 pounds to 282 pounds (back to where I'm used to being) in about 2 months.

Now, on to part two of my plan which was just conceived like 2 days ago.  I've got a friend who is also trying to lose weight and has used Weight Watchers with some success in the past.  However, upon going back to normal eating habits she has gained her weight back (well, some of it) and asked me if I could help to keep her motivated in losing weight again and trying to keep it off.  Shit yeah - I'm all for a buddy system (because my motivation is pretty close to zero on my own).  So, I'm now in the process of turning my daily food (I pretty much eat the same exact thing every bloody day) into what-the-fuck-ever their point system is so that I can do the play-along-at-home game.  I also bought a bathroom scale so that I can actually weigh myself with some regularity and I can see how my changes are affecting me.  I'm hoping to gain a bit more motivation and maybe add in some exercise (which I keep telling myself and you guys that I'm going to do) in order to help improve the results.

End result, I'm going to look sleek and sexy and all you mofo's are gonna want my body (just the ladies, the guys will just want to be like me).

So - today is Day Negative 3 as I'm officially starting on Monday.  I'm going to have one outrageous meal this weekend before beginning and I'm actually kind of looking forward to it.

And now I leave you with this:

April O'Neil Coz Play? OoOoO-La-La!