Happy Ho Ho Birthday

Between today and yesterday I know 4 people who have been or will be celebrating birthdays.  It's a time of year when people get ripped off of gifts because their special day occurs too close to this other over exposed and over commercialized holiday.

So, to my 3 Ho's - Happy Birthday.

Ho Number One

Dena, my favorite Christmas Jew and one of my favorite red heads (my momma be a red head so kinda gotta give that one to her) and by far my absolute favorite cook in the entire world.  The Chances of you reading this are pretty damned slim but whatever.  I miss you and hate that you no longer live in the land of sin but I get excited every time you visit and we get to spend an evening with some alcohol together to play catch up.  Thank you for being a friend (cue Golden Girls Theme) and cannot wait until our paths cross again.

Ho Number Two

Liz, my old high school and college chum and now my almost west coast chum. I get the distinct feeling that, in a very slow motion sort of way, you have just been following me around from a distance for the past decade or two :)
Everything works the way it does for a reason so keep your head up and keep on trucking. Whether you love them or hate them the holidays kinda suck so far away from your family so I'm sending you some Xmas and Birthday cheer to you on this particular day.  I hope Santa left you something big and (dare I say) vibrating under the tree this year.  You are the one (of 3) that will read this and as such I wanted to make sure I got in a bad sexual Joke.  Just like old times.

This made me LOL and has nothing to do with today.

Ho Number 3

Spank. Mr Sprankle.  Oh how I miss thee, let me count the ways.
I hope life is treating you well wherever you may be and that our paths cross again sometime in the future.  Of all the friendships that I have had over the course of my life this is the one that just sorta faded away with time and distance.
So merry fucking Xmas to you.
Lap Dances
Hookers
Ho's
And put some clothes on for Christ sakes, nobody wants to see that.

This was NOT under my tree :(

Ho

And last, but not least and a day late (online but not in person) Happy birthday to my mumsy.  Without you I wouldn't have what I have or be who I am.  I wouldn't be fat and full on a daily basis and I wouldn't be this totally awesome guy that everybody knows I am.
Ho Ho Ho to you even though I never got that hot Asian chick under the tree to unwrap for Xmas - You know, the same one I requested pretty much every year for a decade straight.
Whatever, guess I didn't need an Asian anyway.

To anyone else out there celebrating an unfortunate birthday and who gets ripped off present wise because of this horrible timing.
Now, as I have just found out, I have reached phase 3 of my life.  I'm really looking forward to Phase 4 even though I have a feeling I'm not going to be allowed to ever completely go through with it.

Ho Ho Ho
Merry Xmas