Day 4 is an Asshole

Dear Day 4,

You and I don't have a very good relationship.  I've written this note in the past, but never published, so I now want to come out publicly and let you know that I'm not a fan.

Days 1-3 were nice to me and helped me along my path just fine but you, you sir, are a complete dick.

What is with this unnatural craving for BBQ that you have presented me with? What is this temptation?  Why not a nice casual reminder that I can get a salad made out of my favorite sub from Subway because it is healther, loaded with veggies and has a low calorie count?  No, there has been no mention of that from you at all.  instead you have me sitting here drooling over the possibility of a slab of ribs smothered in BBQ sauce or a Famous Dave's Devil Spit Burger complete with extra Hellfire Pickles and Jalepeno bacon dipped into an extra heaping of get off your fucking diet now you are going to be fat forever BBQ sauce.

Day 4, I'm not sure we can be friends any longer.  I tried to figure a way through this day.  I tried to tell myself that tomorrow I could leave you for something nicer to me and prettier.  I tried to talk myself into it by thinking it would be your hotter sister but then I just started thinking that your hotter sister likes fat bald white guys with grey beards and said fuck it, then I went to the pizza joint and pigged out.

Yeah, that is Day 4 in a nutshell.  Breaking down my defenses and letting me think that I'm making progress.  I can see the scale giving me a slightly smaller number every day and then Day 4 show up and tells me that I'm pretty and that I deserve to eat a meal with a calorie count as high as my daily total.  In fact, go over it.  This is a reward.

Day 4, I loathe you.  I despise you.  I wish you were never born and that Day 5 was here already.

Tomorrow might be another day but I will always remember how much I hate you Day 4.

So, the funny thing is that there is this other project that I am kind of working on, one that I started back in like 2011 but ended up not really going anywhere for whatever reason, and I was trying to dig up some information for that project when I ran across a document titled "Dear Day 4."

Now, when I'm feeling particularly creative or I have an idea that I think I might be able to take somewhere at some point in the future I open up my Google Docs and type a little bit out hoping that I'll come back to it at some point.  "Dear Day 4" was just kind of sitting in there and as I was scrolling down the list of documents curiosity wanted me to open it up.

This was an entry (which is partially included above but now has modifications made to it) in which I was complaining about how I was on a diet but the smell of BBQ from Famous Dave's set my salivary glands off and all I could think about was eating something really unhealthy for me.

So, since I started trying to count my calories again just recently in an effort to get better control of my weight and allowing myself to still enjoy eating things I really like on occasion (just have to teach myself that not every single day is an occasion) I decided to look back and see what day I really just pigged out even though I knew it was a bad idea.

Right now it will come as no surprise to y'all that it was also day 4.

Now, that day (which is in all actuality this past Thursday) I had a headache pretty much all day long so I convinced myself (even knowing that I was really just lying to myself so that I could pig out) that I needed some "real" food and an energy drink and that would help my headache because, dammit, the whole reason I have this headache is because I am denying my body what it truly wants, what it truly craves, what it truly NEEDS by George!!

So, I went to the pizza place in my working plaza which is one of those create your own pizza places that you get a pizza made for two, unless you are a big fat guy like me in which case you just devour the whole damned thing yourself and hope that those around you aren't judging you silently.

Yeah, I even looked up the calories for the pizza that I was going to create (on MyFitnessPal) before I went over and STILL told myself that it was OK and I'd be able to survive it just this one time  because I was only doing it because of the headache.

Yes, Day 4 gets me every damned time.

I am weak.

I am trying.

I am improving.

I am taking this one day at a time, just like I did the last time I dropped a significant amount of weight.

So, Day 4, you are officially an asshole and I abhor you.

You are my nemesis but hopefully this is my last day 4.

Hope all of you are sticking to your goals and making improvements in life.  I know I am.